(no subject)

[flybywash]

Wash is in the kitchen, going through the food stores and making notes on an inventory sheet. He's humming, quiet and tuneless.

Somehow, both "marshmallows" and "strawberry preserves" have sneaked their way onto the list.

Call the second one an extremely early wedding gift.

Comments

[badinlatin]

A flat "No."

Mal's eyes narrow as he watches the change in Wash's complexion.

"What?"

[flybywash]

"Easier name for him's the Lord of Nightmare."

He's helped blow up the Academy in the months following those five lost days. He's died, and returned to tell the tale.

Funny how this still manages to make his palms sweat.

"It was a while back. 'Bout ten months ago, before you started coming into the bar. Something happened, and...he ascended.

"I made the really fun mistake of getting in his way."

[badinlatin]

Mal has absolutely no clue why Wash is telling him this now, only that he really is positive he doesn't want to hear any more.

He says nothing, and doesn't move. He'll hear it; Listening means Wash is actually talking to him, so.

[flybywash]

"After that, I...." He stops, visibly composing himself. "Had what's probably the worst nightmare I've ever had in my life. As bad as that Beam dream we all had -- worse.

"And more than that. There were waking nightmares, too. A couple where...there was one, the big one, where I saw Niska sitting at one of the tables like he was just...like he'd been coming in for months. And, uh."

He presses a hand to his mouth.

"What I did after that, Security had to lock me up for five days for."

[badinlatin]

Mal is stunned at this point, about a million questions running through his head, from "How did they stop?" to "What did you do?".

He ignores all of those. Those can come later.

Instead, in as even keeled a tone as possible, Mal asks, "Why are you telling me this now?"

[flybywash]

"'Cause I owe you an apology."

He holds Mal's gaze.

"'Cause I get it."

[badinlatin]

Somewhere along Mal's forehead there is a vague look of fear as Wash looks at him.

Voice unchanging, "Get what, Wash?"

Please how do you know

[flybywash]

"Seeing things that ain't there and going crazy over it."

He sighs.

"'Nara told me about the bad dreams."

[badinlatin]

Mal stares at Wash. Stares.

"I'ma kill 'er. Why'd she tell you? Gorramit, I'm never telling that woman a thing again, I swear it--"

[flybywash]

"She told me because I asked! Jesus, Mal, I'm trying to tell you that I know what it's like to go through that kind of gŏushĭ and I can't -- "

He realizes what he's about to say about half a second before it comes out.

" -- blame you for what you did, okay?"

[badinlatin]

"Why not?" Mal asks, only holding his calm just long enough to say those two syllables. "Why not blame me? I'm the captain. I'm supposed to have everything under control. As soon as I admit that I don't, everything falls to shit. I didn't have a plan for the Academy, my pilot reams me out. I walk the only path left to me and almost get the entire crew killed, and you killed for true. And you forgive me because I saw the folk I couldn't protect walkin' 'n talkin', just 'cause I saw Zoe and Faith and Tracey and Lilly Jackson and you in my dreams don't mean---"

Mal cuts himself off when he sees the look of unquantified confusion on Wash's face.

"She didn't...oh gorramit she didn't tell you what the dreams were."

Mal looks away from Wash, sincerely afraid to open his mouth again.

[flybywash]

"Not so much, no."

He's still staring.

"Tiānna."

[badinlatin]

Regaining his composure, Mal begins again. Slowly this time.

"The dreams started out as memories, at first. Then they'd...change. I was chasin' this lil' girl down a hallway in the Academy, 'n everything exploded, just like I remembered, and Faith came to get me. Except this time 'come to get me' translates to 'kick my ass ten times over'. Pretty much the same with the others; Zoe in the War, you, Tracey."

Mal very discreetly Does Not Mention Lilly again.

"Seein' David only started after I started takin' something to sleep at night."

Still not so much with the making eye contact.

[flybywash]

"You don't have to tell me." Softly.

God knows he didn't want to tell too many people after Nyarlathotep ascended -- didn't even tell his own wife until three and a half months after the fact.

And he's not sure he can handle hearing it.

[badinlatin]

"I know. But...there's somethin' you need to know of all o' this."

"I seen...a lot. You know that. I've done more. You know that too."

Mal closes his eyes as he utters, "Never wanted to be forgiven by a man for what I done so strong in my life."

He keeps his eyes closed for a moment, only opening them once he reassures himself that the sky isn't falling.

[flybywash]

Silence.



"Good thing that's what we're doing here, then."

He smiles.

[badinlatin]

Mal's eyes connect again with Wash's, breathing ragged for a second.

A tip of a smile finally appears. Relief.

Exhaling for what feels like the first time since he's come into the kitchen, Mal sits dumbly across the table from Wash, beaming like a fool.

[flybywash]

Wash's own smile widens to a grin.

He pushes himself to his feet, using the table for support, and grabs his crutches as he claps Mal on the shoulder.

"Helm's a-callin'. Got the kitchen inventory about three-quarters done, I'll get it to you by tonight, okay?"

[badinlatin]

Mal attempts blinking himself back to reality and loses.

"Uh, yeah. Sounds good."

Still with the beaming.

"Thanks."

[flybywash]

"You're welcome, cap'n."

Chuckling, he settles the crutches under his arms and starts to make his way toward the bridge.