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[flybywash]

Wash is in the kitchen, going through the food stores and making notes on an inventory sheet. He's humming, quiet and tuneless.

Somehow, both "marshmallows" and "strawberry preserves" have sneaked their way onto the list.

Call the second one an extremely early wedding gift.

Comments

[ff-ambassador.livejournal.com]

Inara walks into the kitchen, yawning and ready for tea. She heads towards the stove when she sees Wash.

"Look who's up early."

And gives him a huge smile. Because it will not get old seeing him any time soon.

[flybywash]

"Inara!" He beams, waving with his pen. "Hey. Yeah, wanted to get a start on inventory before we're docked again." Wash taps the list and lifts his eyebrows in a mask of innocence. "You want anything unauthorized and completely unnecessary?"

[ff-ambassador.livejournal.com]

Inara cocks her head and taps a finger to her lips. "Hmmm. Well, if some grapes managed to make themselves onto the ship, I wouldn't ignore them." She grins, then impulsively comes over and gives him a gentle hug.

[flybywash]

It's a little awkward with the crutches, but he hugs her back, carefully. "Grapes it is. You know what, let's even toss in some oranges. Celebrations through fresh fruit will not be denied."

He scribbles a note on the list, and smiles at Inara.

"It's good seeing you around again. How've you been, anyway?"

[ff-ambassador.livejournal.com]

"Oranges would be be wonderful." She gives him a last gentle squeeze then moves over to start the kettle.

"Good! Things are going well...and much better lately."

[flybywash]

"Can't say I'm gonna argue with that. We talking general better or specific, fun better?"

[ff-ambassador.livejournal.com]

She smiles. "Definitely the specific better. Mal is actually sleeping at night, which is making my life much more enjoyable." She sobers for a moment. "Those nightmares were horrible."

[flybywash]

Wash's smile dims.

Considerably.

He tucks his stylus behind his ear and asks, "Nightmares?"

It'd be easy to say, hell, he's not surprised any of 'em would have nightmares after Miranda, but...that's not right. Kaylee gave them that tangerine.

[ff-ambassador.livejournal.com]

She sighs. "It was horrible. They started before Miranda, back when we were all locked out of the bar. He had horrible dreams about one of his best friends from his youth, David. And then he started having them when he was awake." She shudders slightly. "I don't really know all of it, but...you saw the effect they had."

"And he didn't just dream about David. There were others...many people close to him in the more recent nightmares." She looks at him closely, wondering if she should tell him specifically who the others were.

[flybywash]

Wash has frozen where he stands, all of the blood draining from his face.

"Oh God." It slips out without his even realizing he's said it.

(You're not real -- )

(Very unkind words from you, Mr. Washburne -- )

It's a struggle to hear anything else Inara says after that one sentence.

Yeah. He saw. And he knows, with the kind of intimacy he'd only wish on the barest handful of people in the 'verse.

[ff-ambassador.livejournal.com]

Inara takes in a breath as Wash turns white. She hurries over to him, taking his arm lightly.

"Wash, are you alright?"

[flybywash]

"'M fine."

He forces a ragged breath and runs the side of his hand over his forehead. It's clammy with cold sweat.

Mal'd even said it, hadn't he? Hallucinations. He just hadn't....

That was why?

"Sorry. Uh. I'm just -- " A weak smile. "Does sitting down sound like a good idea to you? I think I need to sit down."

[ff-ambassador.livejournal.com]

"Of course."

She stays behind him, watching carefully as he swings over to the table ands sits down heavily. She sits besides him, then touches his shoulder, bringing his attention back to her.

"Wash. Please tell me what's wrong. Is it something I said?"

[flybywash]

"It's nothing, I'm fine," Wash lies. "Just had a...." He waves a vague, still slightly shaky hand, then rubs at his eyes. "Thing. I'm shiny."

Slow, steady breaths.

"Think it might be a good idea if I talk to Mal. You know if he's gonna be up soon?"

[ff-ambassador.livejournal.com]

She gives him a skeptical look, but lets it slide for the moment.
"He should be. I can go wake him if you'd like."

[flybywash]

Wash bites his lip.

On the one hand: nightmares. Mal's gonna need all the uninterrupted sleep he can get, and grumpy captains do not a fun time make.

On the other hand...nightmares.

"If you can manage it in a way that puts the blame on natural forces and not his pilot, sure." He musters up another smile, this one a little more genuine.

[ff-ambassador.livejournal.com]

She gives him a small smile back. At least Mal should be able to find out what's wrong.

"I think I can manage something. Hot tea usually has a rousing effect and I can usually guilt him into making breakfast. Give me 15 minutes or so and he should be down."

[flybywash]

"Ah, bribery and guilt trips: the stable foundation of any good relationship." He grins. "Shiny. Thanks, Inara."

[ff-ambassador.livejournal.com]

"Of course. Just don't expect this everyday." She quirks her eyebrow at him and stands to leave. She reaches over and squeezes his shoulder gently, then walks out towards her shuttle.

[badinlatin]

Still yawning loudly, Mal is smoothing out the shirt he has just thrown on and making his way into the kitchen. Once he walks into the room to see Wash at the table however, Mal stuttersteps for a moment before making his way to fill a teapot.

"Wei, Wash. Sleep okay?" Mal asks cheerfully enough.

[flybywash]

Wash has retrieved the inventory list again by this point, but hasn't done anything except stare at it as he waits. At the sound of Mal's voice, his breath stops, briefly.

"Yeah, Mal, I slept fine," he says, eyes lingering on the list a moment longer before he looks up. "You?"

[badinlatin]

Mal gives a shrug with one shoulder. "Well enough. Don't need my cane hardly any more, 'less I wake up on the wrong side o' bed or some such. 'Nara suckered me into makin' her breakfast."

It's amusing how a sarcastic look and a sincere smile can blend on one face.

[flybywash]

"Mmm."

His gaze drifts back to the list. A long beat, as he quickly runs through what he's planning to say and pushes out the nasty voice that persists on lingering in his head.

Then a deep breath.

"You got time to talk before breakfast assembly happens?"

[badinlatin]

Mal places the teapot down on the hotplate and slowly - deliberately - moves toward the kitchen table to take a seat.

"About somethin' in particular?"

[flybywash]

"Yeah."

Wash fidgets. He's starting to go a little pale again.

Both hands clench around each other as he looks up.

"Did anybody ever tell you about Nyarlathotep?"

[badinlatin]

A flat "No."

Mal's eyes narrow as he watches the change in Wash's complexion.

"What?"

[flybywash]

"Easier name for him's the Lord of Nightmare."

He's helped blow up the Academy in the months following those five lost days. He's died, and returned to tell the tale.

Funny how this still manages to make his palms sweat.

"It was a while back. 'Bout ten months ago, before you started coming into the bar. Something happened, and...he ascended.

"I made the really fun mistake of getting in his way."

[badinlatin]

Mal has absolutely no clue why Wash is telling him this now, only that he really is positive he doesn't want to hear any more.

He says nothing, and doesn't move. He'll hear it; Listening means Wash is actually talking to him, so.

[flybywash]

"After that, I...." He stops, visibly composing himself. "Had what's probably the worst nightmare I've ever had in my life. As bad as that Beam dream we all had -- worse.

"And more than that. There were waking nightmares, too. A couple where...there was one, the big one, where I saw Niska sitting at one of the tables like he was just...like he'd been coming in for months. And, uh."

He presses a hand to his mouth.

"What I did after that, Security had to lock me up for five days for."

[badinlatin]

Mal is stunned at this point, about a million questions running through his head, from "How did they stop?" to "What did you do?".

He ignores all of those. Those can come later.

Instead, in as even keeled a tone as possible, Mal asks, "Why are you telling me this now?"

[flybywash]

"'Cause I owe you an apology."

He holds Mal's gaze.

"'Cause I get it."

[badinlatin]

Somewhere along Mal's forehead there is a vague look of fear as Wash looks at him.

Voice unchanging, "Get what, Wash?"

Please how do you know

[flybywash]

"Seeing things that ain't there and going crazy over it."

He sighs.

"'Nara told me about the bad dreams."

[badinlatin]

Mal stares at Wash. Stares.

"I'ma kill 'er. Why'd she tell you? Gorramit, I'm never telling that woman a thing again, I swear it--"

[flybywash]

"She told me because I asked! Jesus, Mal, I'm trying to tell you that I know what it's like to go through that kind of gŏushĭ and I can't -- "

He realizes what he's about to say about half a second before it comes out.

" -- blame you for what you did, okay?"

[badinlatin]

"Why not?" Mal asks, only holding his calm just long enough to say those two syllables. "Why not blame me? I'm the captain. I'm supposed to have everything under control. As soon as I admit that I don't, everything falls to shit. I didn't have a plan for the Academy, my pilot reams me out. I walk the only path left to me and almost get the entire crew killed, and you killed for true. And you forgive me because I saw the folk I couldn't protect walkin' 'n talkin', just 'cause I saw Zoe and Faith and Tracey and Lilly Jackson and you in my dreams don't mean---"

Mal cuts himself off when he sees the look of unquantified confusion on Wash's face.

"She didn't...oh gorramit she didn't tell you what the dreams were."

Mal looks away from Wash, sincerely afraid to open his mouth again.

[flybywash]

"Not so much, no."

He's still staring.

"Tiānna."

[badinlatin]

Regaining his composure, Mal begins again. Slowly this time.

"The dreams started out as memories, at first. Then they'd...change. I was chasin' this lil' girl down a hallway in the Academy, 'n everything exploded, just like I remembered, and Faith came to get me. Except this time 'come to get me' translates to 'kick my ass ten times over'. Pretty much the same with the others; Zoe in the War, you, Tracey."

Mal very discreetly Does Not Mention Lilly again.

"Seein' David only started after I started takin' something to sleep at night."

Still not so much with the making eye contact.

[flybywash]

"You don't have to tell me." Softly.

God knows he didn't want to tell too many people after Nyarlathotep ascended -- didn't even tell his own wife until three and a half months after the fact.

And he's not sure he can handle hearing it.

[badinlatin]

"I know. But...there's somethin' you need to know of all o' this."

"I seen...a lot. You know that. I've done more. You know that too."

Mal closes his eyes as he utters, "Never wanted to be forgiven by a man for what I done so strong in my life."

He keeps his eyes closed for a moment, only opening them once he reassures himself that the sky isn't falling.

[flybywash]

Silence.



"Good thing that's what we're doing here, then."

He smiles.

[badinlatin]

Mal's eyes connect again with Wash's, breathing ragged for a second.

A tip of a smile finally appears. Relief.

Exhaling for what feels like the first time since he's come into the kitchen, Mal sits dumbly across the table from Wash, beaming like a fool.

[flybywash]

Wash's own smile widens to a grin.

He pushes himself to his feet, using the table for support, and grabs his crutches as he claps Mal on the shoulder.

"Helm's a-callin'. Got the kitchen inventory about three-quarters done, I'll get it to you by tonight, okay?"

[badinlatin]

Mal attempts blinking himself back to reality and loses.

"Uh, yeah. Sounds good."

Still with the beaming.

"Thanks."

[flybywash]

"You're welcome, cap'n."

Chuckling, he settles the crutches under his arms and starts to make his way toward the bridge.